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Anger Management (2003) |
3.5 /10 |
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How do you
botch a comedy with the likes of Jack Nicholson, Adam Sandler and the
underused, talented, cute-as-a-button Marisa Tomei? Give ‘em an insipid
script dripping in juvenile mediocrity that milks it’s potential filled
premise strictly for superficiality, and then ends using one of the top 10
romantic clichés of all time. The brightest scenes are those featuring
veteran actors Turturro and Guzmán,
along with a few other inspired cameos (minus Giuliani’s).
[English,
106min, PG-13] |
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Cars
(2006) |
3 /10 |
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Imagine a
future where automobiles develop artificial intelligence, annihilate
all human beings, and absorb our history and culture as their own.
That's the unseen prologue to Cars, Pixar's first
disappointment, and a joyless, boring, overlong, insultingly
superficial one at that. Owen Wilson fizzles as NASCAR star car while
Larry the Cable Guy gets better mileage out of his loveable redneck
pickup. So infuriatingly contrived and illogical (even flies are tiny
cars!) that any enjoyment is lost in the fumes.
[English, 116min,
G] |
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The Chronicles of Narnia (2005) |
3 /10 |
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Only thing
chronicled in this film is a constant insult to the intelligence of
audience, unless one is blinded by childhood love for source material.
Directed with ambition of a TV movie, written with junkyard full of
cliché, clunky dialogue, and featuring stiff, forgettable child
performances, this “family fantasy film” fails miserably in shadow
LOTR has cast on genre (never mind the hammy religious allegory).
Tilda Swinton as White Witch and choice animal SFX are only positive.
[English,
140min, PG] |
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Daredevil
(2003) |
3.5
/10 |
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Darkest comic book
adaptation since Batman suffers from a monumental casting disaster (Farrell
as Bullseye is "you’ve got to be f-ing kidding me" ridiculous), a "wannabe-Spiderman"
origination story, and dialogue bad enough to rival Episode II. Gets points
for a blind, pill popping superhero and wisecrackin’ Jon Favreau, but
grounded approach is futile when characters randomly defy physics. Works
best during an early bar room fight.
[English,
103min, PG-13] |
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Double Take
(2001) |
3 /10 |
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Double misfire. Orlando Jones is better than this pathetic attempt at
a comedy, or movie for that matter, in which he plays a Wall Street
player who must trade identities with a street hustler (Griffin, in
overly-obnoxious mode) after being framed for assassinating a
Mexican governor and blah, blah, blah...don't waste your time.
[English,
88min, PG-13] |
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Femme Fatale
(2002) |
3
/10 |
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Gratuity at it’s
finest. Ventures back to sex heavy thrillers of late 70's, early 80's
(familiar territory for De Palma) as an excuse to give the body of Rebecca Romijn-Stamos ample screen time. Bravado opening sequence makes good use of
operatic score and slick intercutting to build tension, not to mention a hot
lesbian encounter. Plot then ranges from the utterly ridiculous to laughable
silliness, topped off with a "you can’t be serious" twist ending.
[English, 114min, R] |
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Freddy Got Fingered
(2001) |
3
/10 |
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Not the film travesty it was made out to be (I DID laugh a few times) but
certainly not a contribution to quality cinema. Tom Green's arguably funny TV
antics are mostly lost in this big budget upgrade.
Best scene involves a messy child birth that is so tasteless and exaggerated
that you can't help but be amused by the lunacy of it all.
[English,
87min, R] |
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John Q
(2002) |
3
/10 |
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What a mess! Sets a new standard for defying plausibility with a laughable and
manipulative plot desperately trying to be a GOOD hostage film. Denzel has got
to find material that more consistently matches his acting ability ASAP.
Attempts at providing social commentary on US health care system are pathetic,
helped little by stereotyped characters with actions that are frequently
plain stupid.
[English, 116min,
PG-13] |
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Saving Silverman
(2001) |
3 /10 |
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Stupid, stupid, STUPID
movie! An utter mess despite talented comedic actors and some scattered funny
moments. Neil Diamond is major focus in story and seems to be enjoying himself
in borderline embarrassing cameo.
If not for the
sugar-high antics of Jack Black it would be nearly unwatchable (he also teachers
the valuable lesson that when eating nachos and melted cheese, ALL the chips
stuck to one you took are yours). Deep stuff.
[English, 96min,
R] |
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We Were Soldiers
(2002) |
3
/10 |
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"Ok I got it: take the most overused war
clichés in the history of
film, toss them into a Vietnam story staring Mel Gibson, skip
characterization, have lots of people get shot unexpectedly, blow things up
with Napalm, don't bother explaining the battle, kill everyone except for
you-know-who, drench it in patriotism, and then have Mel tear up in the end!
What do ya say?" - "Let's make it!" [English, 138min,
R] |
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